


Denial

by orphan_account



Category: The Voice RPF
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, M/M, Open Relationships, Possessive Behavior, relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-29
Updated: 2016-04-29
Packaged: 2018-06-04 20:26:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6674347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things get complicated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Denial

**Author's Note:**

> This was mostly inspired by a movie called "The One" that was aired, in 2011. It's a movie about a gay couple. Who watched the movie will notice some similarity.  
> This is not beta'd

“Mhn, no.” Adam's voice was low, almost a whisper reaching Blake's ears like music. "Let go," he demanded, not making any effort himself, to break free from Blake's arms.

The musk of Adam's body floated in the air; still thick and evident. Blake loved inhaling it until it became a part of his system, running with his blood and through his veins. His arms were wrapped tight around Adam's naked body, forehead resting on the back of his neck, and lips occasionally pressing small kisses on the inked back. Cuddling that close felt nice; it was like, they were one person, breathing together, hearts beating together– skin on skin, heat radiating back and forth between them.

Blake wished Adam liked it the same way he did. But Adam didn't; or rather, pretended to hate it.

Adam thought sex was just sex, regardless of genders involved. Cuddling, on the other hand, was weird and gay. His theory got Blake laughing sometimes, and made him wonder if Adam actually believed that. Because if so, his little buddy was in big denial.

Their relationship was... complicated. Blake loved Adam, and he had no problem accepting that. Adam was quite the reverse; he was unable to admit his feeling – at least not in words. He said that he loved his wife, Behati, and that didn't want to part from her; and maybe that was true, but, Blake was sure as hell that Adam was not in love with Behati. And yeah there's difference between loving someone and being in love with someone.

*****

Adam hated every woman Blake had hooked up with, and men too. Blake was bisexual and was comfortable with his sexuality. Adam had such a hard time accepting Blake's ex-wife, Miranda. Every time her name was mentioned, it was like fire raging in his eyes. Despite trying to mask it, it was obvious that his they held jealousy within. Blake had no choice but trying to comfort the other man's worries, showing him that he was the one in Blake's heart, hoping, one day, this would be enough to make Adam realize who's the one he really wanted.

By the beginning of the eighth season of The Voice, their relationship got a little boost, after Blake and Miranda announced their divorce. Adam became happier, and more vocal about what he wanted in the bed. He began to spend more quality time at Blake's house, which was something he wasn't able to do with Miranda's presence. Blake honestly thought that this was it; that finally, they were going to take their relationship to the next level.

But apparently, Adam had different plans.

After one year of marriage, the headlines had a better topic to talk about than troubles in Adam and Behati's life. A baby. It wasn't the first time Blake read something like that, but this time was rather different. There was a picture from Adam's Instagram.

Blake couldn't believe it. For a long month, he thought that this was some kind of messed up publicity, and that it was a fake pregnancy. He was proven wrong, when one night, Adam visited, and cheered the news for him. Thanks God, Blake was too busy that night, otherwise, a smile wasn't what he was going to offer.

The baby made Blake realize that, he wasn't number one in Adam's life after all; he was more like a side dish that you might eat small bites from or just leave. It was one of the reasons why Blake hated doing those 'open relationships' kind of thing. He was a simple country guy, who wanted to give his heart only to one person. Yes, with Miranda, Blake didn't mind it much, but that because he was more into Adam than he ever was into his wife. After the divorce, he was hoping Adam would've done the same and divorced his wife, too. He imagined them living somewhere outside the city in a big happy house, away from the media and the troubles of the life under spotlights. It was frustrating knowing that Adam never wanted the same.

In Blake's head, the baby was an enough reason, to make Adam think about breaking things off with Blake, and settling down with his wife. Well, that's the logical thing any man in this position would do. Maybe that's why Blake felt threaten by it. He thought His relationship with Adam was to slowly disappear.

Oddly, that wasn't what happened. At least not in the bedroom. For some reason, since Behati got pregnant, things spiced up between the two men. They were like animal in heat, getting it on whenever they were alone. Sometimes, they'd sneak, during working hours, to the back of the studio, turn off the lights and get to it. It was like Adam was the pregnant one, who was under hormonal changes.

Although that was great, outside the bedroom was a completely different story. Adam's attention was directed almost fully toward the baby and the Mother -- “We're having a baby-shower next week, Behati bought the cutest baby shoes , the doctor's just told us that it's a baby-girl...” -- Blake found it hard to deal with deal with it, even harder to express his feelings in words. He'd had that fear of hearing a 'no' from Adam, which had stopped him many times from telling the rock star what needed to be told. He really wanted to be happy for the younger man - Adam was so excited to be a dad – but no matter how hard Blake had tried to be supportive, it hurt him even more.

Blake needed a friend, and Gwen was someone he could talk to. Since she'd joined The Voice, they'd been really close; going out for lunch or coffee; hunting, fishing...etc. She was sweet and probably the most normal celebrity in the industry, That made it easy for Blake to talk to her. She was aware of the relationship between Adam and Blake – Blake told her – and she'd been amazingly supportive.

One morning, Blake woke up next to her, both had nothing on but their birthday suits. It was a very long day, and they drank too much the night before. It wasn't the first time Blake hooked up with a friend, obviously, but it was the first time he regretted doing something like that. He felt like he betrayed Adam, though their relationship was literally open for both of them to sleep with whomever they wanted. Despite the repentance eating his heart, he wasn't able to stop (Adam's attention was directed towards too many things.. his tour, new album, the baby, and Blake wasn't satisfied with the small attention he got.) Gwen and Blake started sleeping together more often, and the more they did, the bigger the gape between Adam and Blake got.

It wasn't until Adam walked on them one night in Blake's trailer, that he found out.

The look in his eyes broke Blake's heart. It was like his whole world just crashed right before his eyes. For some horrible reason, Blake wanted Adam to see it all; maybe then he'd understand how Blake felt about Behati.

'I'm fine with it,' Adam said about the relationship between Blake and Gwen; but, Blake knew better not to believe that. He saw the pain in Adam's eyes every time he was around Gwen; saw the shorter man's pride fighting the hurting of his heart; and saw his desperation to conceal his jealousy. Blake felt bad for doing this to him, and so he stopped seeing Gwen.

*****

“Do you really hate it?” Blake asked, pressing his lips just behind Adam's ears, feeling the shorter man leaning closer, “I mean cuddling like this. Do you hate it?” He tightened his arms more around Adam, burying his face in the crack of Adam's shoulder.

“Yes. Now let go,” Adam murmured, not making any move himself to break the contact. He was melting in Blake's arms, even if it was unconsciously.  Blake hated when Adam did that, lying while every cell of his body was as honest as it could be. 

He sighed, and forced himself to loosen his arms from around Adam's body, “I guess you're not like Gwen after all,” he said as he rolled away.

Blake knew Adam hated to be compared to anybody, let alone Gwen. Quite honestly, he had no Idea why he'd brought her up; he hadn't planned for it. Maybe he wanted to make Adam jealous, or maybe he was just influenced by the difference between the two people.

“Why the hell would you talk about her now?” Adam said, not even trying to hide his anger. He turned on his other side to face Blake, “I never talk about my wife in front of you.”

Blake felt like laughing out of irony, because.. there wasn't one time they got together, without Adam mentioning his wife at least once, “are you kidding me? You're always talking about your wife.”

“So you're getting back at me for it?”

“I didn't say that,” Blake denied, “you and Gwen are just different.”

"I can't believe you." Adam shook his head in disbelief, and got up, “maybe you should call HER next time and fuck her.”

“Where are you going, Adam?”

“I'm going home,” Adam snapped as he kicked the covers off, “'giving you some space to call your love bird.”

“You're being ridiculous.”

“Well, sorry you have to put up with that.”

“Shit,” Blake mumbled, rubbing his face in his palm. He grabbed Adam's wrist to stop him from leaving the bed. He should've thought this through before dropping her name; but quite honestly, he didn't think that Adam was going to react like this. “Could you calm down? I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry. I won't mention her again. Now, can you please get back to bed. It's too late, Adam.”

Blake knew that his patience was running out, and that his frustration was going to make him do or say unthinkable things to get Adam to admit what they had. A part of his didn't want Adam back in bed unless he admitted his feelings, the other part was just happy he was able to hold Adam like that.

“Please.”

Adam gave the clock a glance then looked at Blake and held his gaze with him A frown above his hazel globes, admonishing the country star for the pain he'd caused, but he was still longing to be pulled back into Blake's arms. He drew his hand away from Blake's, and lied down on the bed and pulled the sheets up again. He gave Blake his back, and didn't say any word.

The sound of the clock was agonizing. Blake stared at the ceiling, counting the seconds and hoping to fall asleep soon. He could feel Adam's body moving lightly next to him, and he could tell that the rock star stole some expectant glances at him. His body seemed to inch closer and closer from Blake's, and it seemed like it was searching Blake's warmth. Was he expecting Blake to hug him again? It wasn't until Blake felt the mattress sinking and rising, that he realized that Adam was, moving toward him.

Adam didn't make any eye contact as he placed his head on the big man's shoulder, and threw his arm across his chest. Blake didn't say a word, either, not even when Adam pressed a small kiss on his chest. He knew how hard it was on Adam to make that little simple move. Adam was hell of a proud man.

Blake wrapped Adam with his arm, sighing his tension out. His hand started running along Adam's arm, feeling his warm skin with his fingertips. Occasionally, he would thread his fingers though the man's black hair, and feel him melting closer.

“I don't...” Adam started hesitantly. His arm was possessively getting tighter around Blake's chest.

“hmm?”

“I don't like it,” Adam said, making Blake confused. Was he talking about cuddling? “When you talk about her. It pisses me off,” Adam continued.

Blake sighed, partially, out of guilt. “I know, buddy,” he rasped, voice low and apologizing. Now was the right time to tell Adam about him and Gwen, he thought, “I know, and I'm so-”

“No you don't know. It makes me feel like I don't matter,” Adam continued, interrupting Blake's apology, “When we're together, you should... I want you all, I don't want to share you with her.”

Blake's heart throbbed. It was rare hearing Adam that honest, and it was when he's in too much pain to remain silent. For Blake, it was a simple equation, Adam loved him, and he loved Adam. The result should've been them together, no Behati, no Gwen, no nothing. Just them. Why were there too many barriers? 

“Don't you think that I want you too? All of you, Adam. I don't want to share you, either.”

“This is different.”

“How so? 'cause you're not the one hurting in that case?”

“I'm always hurting, Blake. Always,” Adam yelled, edging his head a little to finally make eye contact, “she's taking you away from me, and I can't help but watch.”

“Why are you hurting? Aren't you the one said that we should do the open relationship thing?”

There was a pause where they just looked at each other. Tears in Adam's eyes, threatening to fall, “I just can't stand the way you look at her. Like you'd rather be with her than be with me.”

“That's not true. You know I want you, and I know that you want me too.”

“This – this… it's not going anywhere. There's no future for it,” Adam said, voice deep with the pain he was trying to keep inside, “between your job and mine... we can't be public about it.”

“We don't have to, Adam. I lov – “ Blake attempted to say, but Adam stopped him

“Don't, you fucking, say it. You're making things more difficult than it already is.” Adam looked away.

Blake grabbed Adam's chin between his thumb and the pointer finger, and span his head, so they were face to face. Though Adam was playing tough, Blake knew, for sure, that if he said the three word, Adam was going to fall apart; and maybe that's what he needed to do in order to get the truth out of him – to get him to accept that what they had was real, and was not just something that didn't mean anything

“I love you, Adam,” Blake said, his gaze was soft and love. “I've always loved you.”

He was right. Adam did fall apart, tears glistering in his eyes, and chest rising and falling, deep but short breaths, “you really shouldn't have said it,” he said, voice hoarse and deep and fragile.

Blake wasn't afraid of rejection any more; he was more afraid of Adam's denial. That was the only barrier stopping themnfeom happening.

“you said that we don't have future together, how do you even know that? If you want me, I'll give you everything I have. We can make it work. If you don't want me,...” Blake stopped. A part of his screaming at him to not say what he was about to say, to accept what they had and be thankful; the other part was fed up, and did not want to continue like that.

“If not, I don't think we should do this anymore. Because THIS, This, what we're doing right now, is what has no future.”

“I want you, Blake. I really, really do,” Adam said, tears filling his eyes, making Blake wonder if Adam could see through all these tears at all. It was impossible to look at him without having his heart dying at least a millions time, without having arrows cutting deep through his soul.

Adam's lips were twitching as if the male wanted to say something, but there was something stopping him. “I don't want to stop seeing you,” he said, looking directly into Blake's eyes.

“Then say you love me Adam. Get divorce, for me, like I did for you.”

Was it selfish to ask. Was it too much? Blake knew he would do even much more than that for Adam; he knew he would give up the world for him. He was ready to give up his money, his fame, his house and start from scratch with Adam. It hurt him to keep wondering if Adam would ever do the same – if he ever held a special space in the rock star's heart. He needed an answer; a confirmation.

Time seemed to move too slowly, as Adam stared at Blake silently, and so did Blake's heart – low hitching sounds coming from the deepest point of Adam's chest. In a few seconds, Blake was going to have his life soaring with happiness, or his heart with a knife twisting inside.

“I lo-” The younger man looked terrified, tears falling down across flushed cheeks. Blake reached to wipe them off his lover's face. Now, he could do nothing but hope.

“I..can't,” Adam said. Blake's hand stopped mid-way, then just dropped like it was some kind of a heavy metal, “I love her... I can't break up with her. I can't. I'm not gay. I'm not.”

Time froze, and so seemed Blake's heart. He could hear his dream -- his hopes chattering like glass right before his eyes; he could feel his heart weeping and swelling with pain; tears in his eyes burning and hot, and it took him till the last bit of his self control to not let them fall.

He'd always feared asking Adam about his feelings, because of this. He was afraid he was not the one Adam really wanted. It was unfair, having to face his fears like this - unprepared, and with hopes reaching up to the sky. He had to see them crumble right before his eyes, had to watch as his disappointment laughing in his face.

Shit.

That hurt.

“Then what the hell is this?” Blake yelled, voice breaking under the pain hammering in his chest, “What is this? Why do you keep coming back to me?”

“I don't know,” Adam snapped back, “this- this is- nothing.”

Blake shook his head, mostly because he didn't want to believe that this was happening; that this was not a nightmare. This was the last thing he wanted to hear.

“Leave.” One word; one word Blake had never thought he would have to say for Adam. Adam out of all people.

Adam grabbed Blake's hand, and tightened around it, his voice was breaking with desperation, "Why can't we just stay like that? What's wrong with this?"

“Go home, Adam. I'm tired of this shit.” Blake yanked Adam's hands away.

That was enough. They say patience is a hunter's greatest strength, but this was too much; he was done waiting; he was done pretending that he was okay with how things were anymore. Yes it was hard to break things off with Adam, but it was much easier than wasting his life, knowing that he wasn't the one Adam's heart was all about. He wished he could make things easier, to ease the pain cutting through him. But this wasn't a fairy tale, that  can be solved with a song. That was real life – complicated, painful with unfair choices, and he had to accept it, and move on.

**Author's Note:**

> Constructive criticism is always appreciated; especially that I was told that, sometimes My writing gets super dramatic, super theatrical and super clichè. So tell me if that happened.  
> Love  
> XOXXO  
> 


End file.
